{"id":2460,"date":"2017-08-31T12:00:16","date_gmt":"2017-08-31T16:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sage.com\/en-us\/blog\/?p=2460"},"modified":"2024-05-13T08:54:35","modified_gmt":"2024-05-13T12:54:35","slug":"how-to-have-a-happy-relationship-as-an-entrepreneurial-couple","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sage.com\/en-us\/blog\/how-to-have-a-happy-relationship-as-an-entrepreneurial-couple\/","title":{"rendered":"How to have a happy relationship as an entrepreneurial couple"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\"\"\t\t\t\tGisele Kirtley<\/span>\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Only a small subset of the estimated 1.2 million husband and wife business teams in the US are successful in both their work and in love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Business building, like love, requires strong communication and conflict resolution skills, a willingness to learn, dedication, and flexibility. The time, money, and an emotional investment a new or growing business requires can put a relationship in jeopardy. If romantic partners in a business have a relationship that is out of balance, it can have an adverse impact on all areas of their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can you succeed as an entrepreneur and have a happy relationship?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We asked Relationship & Intimacy Expert Marla Mattenson<\/a> for advice on how entrepreneur couples can grow their business and maintain a healthy relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What challenges are unique to entrepreneur couples, where one or both are entrepreneurs?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Marla Mattenson:<\/strong> Finding time away from the business is a big challenge. You are always connected to your business, to the bottom line, so you don\u2019t have a particular time when you can clock out and not worry, except when you are sleeping.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most entrepreneurs don\u2019t really want a break from their business. They want to make their business successful. Nurturing yourself and your relationship is important. Otherwise, you wake up in ten years and you don\u2019t even know who this person is and they don\u2019t know who you are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As entrepreneurs, you need to make a conscious effort to schedule time off or you can end up working night and day. Part of that is because you love what you do and the other part is that things need to get done. For a couple, if one or both of you are entrepreneurs, the business encroaches on all your time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a couple, you need to make time to be available, which means you can give 100 percent of your attention toward your partner and focus on their wants and their needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be present with each other and connect. This helps builds intimacy. I call it \u201cExquisite Attention.\u201d Agree on a mutual time when you can unplug from the outside world. That includes electronic devices, telephone calls, and anything that takes you away from being present in that moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Setting boundaries are also the key to finding time off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to build boundaries with your business, so you have a life outside of your business.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How important is time off for entrepreneur couples?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Marla Mattenson:<\/strong> It could seem like a burden to entrepreneurs to take time away from the business. However, quality of life is important, and it\u2019s something that entrepreneurs don\u2019t always think about until much later.  They realize they are disconnected from their partner and they are burnt out physically and emotionally. When they finally reach out to their partner\u2026it\u2019s too late.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should set aside a weekly date at the very least. This could be dinner or lunch, or perhaps a walk where you\u2019re disconnected from the world. Remember, time off needs to allow for \u201cExquisite Attention.\u201d It can be as simple as how you greet each other in the morning. These time investments build connections that pay off in the long run.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We like to deposit in the bank of the union between the two of you, so that it\u2019s so full when times are challenging, that you can withdraw from the union. That way, you\u2019re not withdrawing from each other personally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How are the challenges different when your partner in love is also your partner in business?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Marla Mattenson:<\/strong> There are two distinct ways that couples get in this situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One, you and your partner want to build the business together. It\u2019s a shared goal and a shared passion. You want to do it together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The other way is by default, where the business owner needs help and the partner gets cajoled into taking a role in the business that they probably do not enjoy, and it\u2019s not their passion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s the most challenging scenario. I teach my couples to have an exit strategy with three key components:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Time-based:<\/strong> Limit it to 90 days or six months if needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Write it down:<\/strong> Create a standard operating procedure that includes the what and why of your job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Train the next person:<\/strong> Give them the manual and train them on what you\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have heard so many couples say, \u201cWell he started this ten years ago and he just kept on going.\u201d  He wants to help his partner, but now he\u2019s silently dying because he\u2019s doing a job he hates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the more challenging dynamics can be when the entrepreneur partner becomes the \u201cboss\u201d to their partner in love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I teach my couples is you have to learn how to put the business hat on and take it off. So then put the relationship hat on and take it off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When talking about the relationship, whether it\u2019s about intimacy or planning a vacation, the business hat needs to be off and the relationship hat needs to be on. It\u2019s equally important to remember that each partner has a role in service to the business. Even a CEO is in service to the business as an employee. It\u2019s not a question of who\u2019s the boss, but how can you support each other in getting things done for the business.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another big challenge is when people feel like they are the business. The truth is that a sole proprietor is the business. At the same time, you\u2019re just a person. So it doesn\u2019t give you any more power than anyone else involved in the business. Every role is important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n